dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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