Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is Oprah even human
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
