when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
