literally had 100 drinks last night.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
