I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
