i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
