if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
