Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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