is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
