you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
