I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
