Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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