I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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