when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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