WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
