just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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