u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
