Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i drank out of a bidet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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