I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
