I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
