Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
