Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
