True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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