Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
