every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
