Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
