Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
