My room smells like vodka and shame
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
