Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
