Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
