Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
