The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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