he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
