i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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