Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
