It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
