Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
