I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
