69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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