no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
