I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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