Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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