Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
