I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
