Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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