the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
