I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
