she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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