Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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