hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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