how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
