You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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