I wish my penis had an off switch
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
