I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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