I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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